Forgiving Even When It Hurts

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
-Ephesians 4:32

Screaming is all I hear coming from the living room as I’m trying to finish dinner. Arms crossed, chests puffed, eyebrows squinted. Madder than a wet hen, the kids are fighting yet again. “I’m not your friend anymore”, says my 3 year old. I have to explain for the thousandth time on why we have to forgive our brother or sister and love them.

I have to explain in our house we love. In our house we use kind words. In our house we share. In our house we forgive. We forgive even when it hurts.

They apologized and were “friends” again. They forgave each other and forgot about why they were fighting in the first place. My job here was done. Victory for mom. I expected a meltdown, tantrum, negotiation, something. But no, it was so easy for them.

I remember when it was that easy. I remember forgiving and not remembering why I was mad five minutes later. Why isn’t it still that easy? The thoughts lingering on why I was mad about something that happened days, months, even years ago. I never received an apology so I never forgave.

When my Evangelist husband reminded me we have to forgive to get into Heaven, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to forgive without an apology. I didn’t want to forgive people who shattered my heart. They never said sorry so I never forgave. I had to forgive even when it hurt. I had to forgive without that apology that I longed to hear.

Forgiving when it hurts isn’t easy.

I forgave everyone who hurt me. I forgave even though I wanted to take it to the grave. It’s not healthy to hold onto things like that. It only interrupts your peace. Let go and let God. Let God handle the situation. With an apology or not, forgive and let Him heal your heart. He can mend a heart that’s in a thousand pieces. He mended mine. He brought me from holding life long grudges to forgiving without apologies.

I’m at peace with a lot of things in life because I forgave when I didn’t want to. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I now love without that guard up. Walls have been torn down by forgiving. It was beyond unhealthy, the way I was shutting everyone out. Forgiving everyone has made me love better. Love my husband better, love my children better. Even when forgiving hurt.

“But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” -Matthew 6:15